Tag Archives: One Liners

Politician Jokes

Why are politicians’ spouses and/or lovers always on top?
Because politicians can only fuck up.

What’s the difference between a good politician and a bad politician?
A headstone.

Why don’t you ever hear about burglars robbing politicians?
Professional courtesy.

What do you call a group of skydiving politicians?
Skeet.

What do you get when you put 50 politicians in a room with 50 lesbians?
One hundred people who don’t do dick.

What’s the difference between a politician and a shopping cart?
A politician holds more liquor.

What does a politician use for birth control?
His personality.

How can you tell when a politician is lying?
His lips are moving.

Why aren’t there any rich ventriloquists?
Because all their puppets run for office.

Why don’t politicians do anything to improve the quality of public school education?
They are terrified of educated voters.

Political TV commercials prove one thing: A politician can name all his good points in 30 seconds.

What’s black and brown and looks good on a politician?
A pack of Dobermans.