Monthly Archives: January 2013

Muscle Man

A huge and very muscular with a tiny head walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, “You know, I’m not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?”

The big guy nods slowly. He’s obviously fielded this question many times and begins to tell the story of how, one day he was hunting when I got lost in the woods when he heard someone crying for help.

“I soon realised that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream, so I picked up the frog and, to my surprise, it asked me to kiss it, saying that it would turn into a genie and grant me three wishes.So I looked around to make sure I was alone and I gave the frog a kiss. And POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman who offered me three wishes. So, I looked down at my scrawny body and said, ‘I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger.‘

She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! There I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked, ‘What will be your second wish?‘

I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, ‘I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream.‘ She nodded, laid down and beckoned me to join her and we made love for hours!

Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, ‘You know that you still have one more wish. What will it be?‘

I looked at her and replied, ‘How about a little head?‘.”

Doctor Examination

One day, a beautiful woman walks into a doctors office. Seeing how irresistibly beautiful she is, all of the doctor’s professionalism suddenly goes out the window…

He tells her to take off her pants, which she does, and he begins to rub her thighs. “Do you know what I am doing?” asks the doctor?

“Yes. You’re checking for abnormalities.” She replies.

He then tells her to take off her shirt and bra. So she takes them off and the doctor starts rubbing her breasts. “Do you know what I am doing now?”

She replies, “Yes, you’re checking for cancer.”

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, climbs on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, “Do you know what I am doing now?”

“Yes.” She replies, “You’re getting herpes – that’s why I’m here!”

Wife Kidnapped

A couple were recently married, when the husband arrived at his house he found that his new bride was nowhere to be found. Understandably, he got deeply worried and contacted all his friends and asked where she might be without success. However, two days after his wife disappeared, the man returned home to find her in the kitchen.
He asked her what she has been up to and why she hadn’t been home for so long. She replied: “These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for an entire week!”
The husband answered: “But it’s only been two days, so how could it have been a week?”
“Oh, I just came home to get something to eat!”

Drinking Problem

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one guy says to the other, “You know, whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn off the headlights before I get to the driveway, I shut off the engine and coast into the garage, I take my shoes off before I enter the house, sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed veeeeery slowly… and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!”

His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, toss my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife’s ass and say, ‘How about a blow job?’ ….and she’s always sound asleep.”