Category Archives: Doctors

Medical Super Computer

One day, a man was complaining to his friend about how much his elbow ached and that he was thinking of seeing a doctor. His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the local shopping centre that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00!”

The man figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing and, after a brief pause, popped out a small slip of paper which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labour. It will be better in two weeks…….

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. So, he decided to give it a try – He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

Then, he went back to the store and located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its lights and printed out the following analysis: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant ……. twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don’t stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better!

Doctor Examination

One day, a beautiful woman walks into a doctors office. Seeing how irresistibly beautiful she is, all of the doctor’s professionalism suddenly goes out the window…

He tells her to take off her pants, which she does, and he begins to rub her thighs. “Do you know what I am doing?” asks the doctor?

“Yes. You’re checking for abnormalities.” She replies.

He then tells her to take off her shirt and bra. So she takes them off and the doctor starts rubbing her breasts. “Do you know what I am doing now?”

She replies, “Yes, you’re checking for cancer.”

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, climbs on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, “Do you know what I am doing now?”

“Yes.” She replies, “You’re getting herpes – that’s why I’m here!”